i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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