Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
my poor anus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
