i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's just like the Real World with babies
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Come see our sink grown plant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
