I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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