my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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