Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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