kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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