When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
