hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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