I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
