If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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