I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize