...so i touched it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
