is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
