I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
