He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
