And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
