Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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