3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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