so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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