I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
