something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
