i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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