Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
