She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
