dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
