so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
