I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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