btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
