woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
