we have officially lost it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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