um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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