oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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