Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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