i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize