I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
