I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
