im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
3pm strippers are depressing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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