I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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