Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All the doctor said was why
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
