there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
