Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
