weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
