I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
