I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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