Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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