Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Green mimosas i think yes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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