I think scott just propositioned me for sex
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
