he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize