Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
