CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize