omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
