I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
