Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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