Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize