once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we're so committed to being not committed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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