it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
