I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
