Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
