either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize