C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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