you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize