Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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