we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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