fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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