he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
