I puked a lego.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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