wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
