just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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