I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
