wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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