You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
