Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
