And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
