I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
