I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
