i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
