ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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