Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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