Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
