How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
