I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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