i barfeds in our rink
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
