"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
