Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
