and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't deserve a penis
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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